that phone call away

ummi called this morning
she talked of the things i've always dreamed of
those dreams which i always kept myself...

• to drive forever without asking permission from anyone
• to relive those sweet childhood memories once more
• to end all the heartaches caused by my own faults
  
• to be a true servant to Allah Almighty
• ... (i can't be sharing everything)
  

and i never told anyone
it surprised me to the fullest that:

• she knew what my heart wanted
• she was giving me hope after weeks of agony
• Allah planned all this so beautifully

when someone you loved, showered you care and understood you; the love deepens rite?
my love for ummi grows even more
thank you Allah for giving me the chance to still be with ummi
she always was a phone call away

why, the highest thanks should be given

• to The One who cared for me longer and most
• to The One who understood me most
• to The One who never gave up on me

thak you Allah for always being there
please forgive my ignorance
i wanna be stronger, more devoted to You
yet sometimes - i failed
let this be the last
besides, He always was a prayer away
in reality, looking on me

"dear Allah, i need You"

only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live

"Urghh, has the ghost come out?" I asked peeking through my fingers. Congkak was on air and it was not on my list to watch this that night. The movie was giving out eerie sound effects, bringing chills in my backbone and goose pimples on my arms.

"Not yet, relax," my cousin said, confirming. His eyes were wide open. Anxious to see the ghost's appearance I bet.

"How long must it take? Easy for you to say that," I grunted. Feeling childish to hide when every other kid in the house was all eyes on the tv screen, I braved myself to at least give it a go.

"Husna, try to fight that fear of yours," advised PakLang, noticing my cowardice behaviour.

"I've tried - for years," I sighed. The ghost revealed its face or should I say, her. I quickly sought refuge behind KakLong. Blood all over her face, my cousin chipped into my discussion with PakLang.

"Do you know that there's a threshold for every fear? You gotta go beyond that threshold. Gather your courage and face it," started PakLang on what he believes has restrained me from looking fear straight into the eye.

"Threshold?" Inside I wondered: If I can't even bear to look at the ghost, what more do I have to endure to get beyond that threshold he mentioned?

"Yup. For instance, you know those who were sentenced for years behind bars under ISA? At first, those peace warriors probably had fear of being captured. They must have been worried about the many possible things that will happen before them and those left neglected later. But to those who have endured it, they are much braver than those who haven't; to fight for what is right. Do you get my point?"

He wants me to look at what I fear carefreely, I said to myself. Gotta try. "I get it. Probably one day I'll watch a ghost story bravely, but not now."

Lesson:

• Terrified of watching ghost stories does not mean you are a scaredy-cat. Life has its own fears to be encountered. Don't waste your time and don't teach children to grow brave through horror movies.
  
• If you fear something (you run away or feel traumatized), challenge yourself for a go. Fight that fear before it attacks you.

Muslim narrated: Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said:
"The strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than the weak one, but they are both good."

"Strong will for a strong faith, insyaAllah"

film: the kite runner

Title: The Kite Runner (2007)
Based on a novel by Khaled Hosseini

How I came to watch this:
Recommended by Sarah, national-level debater

Most of the enchantment of this movie is during the childhood of the main characters: Amir and Hassan. Hassan's family serves Amir's family. The friendship they shared was seemingly beautiful at first but was proven withered and weak when Amir decided to give it a run once he found Hassan being bullied by Aseef. He kept scolding and labelling Hassan a coward since then. Amir became the cause of Hassan's family to discontinue serving Amir's family. When the Communists invaded Afghanistan, Amir and Baba moved to the States and grew up. Over the years, Amir decied to return to Afghanistan and found out Hassan has passed away, leaving a son named Sohrab. As a sign of regaining what he lost, Amir tracked down the boy, which later made him realize that he himself is the actual coward. As an ending, Amir realizes that the true repentance is full submission to Allah which matches the movie's tagline: "there is a way to be good again".

What is liked:
If you opened your heart whilst watching, you would also be touched by the character of Hassan and Sohrab. They held on tight on what they believed was friendship, promises and watching-out-for-your back. Lesson learnt from them was to always be optimistic with your best friend. Some may say he follows whatever he's told. To me, it shows that he protects what he cherishes. Based on the saying: if someone throws you stones, return him with fruits.

What is disliked:
How Islam is portrayed: how Muslims can hate each other and not look eye to eye, how their lifestyle is polluted with the Western image and that only their servants prostrate to Allah. Also, how violent certain characters are. For instance, the Talibans in Afghanistan and Aseef, the big bully. This is not a family movie, trust me.

Quotes to ponder:

• when Hassan was told to run the kite for Amir

"For you, a thousand times over"

• when Amir shared with Hassan a story he wrote, about a man stumbling upon a magic cup that turns his tears into pearls but later, killed his wife to get rich
  

"Why did the man have to kill his wife?"
"Because each of his tears becomes a pearl"
"Yes, but why couldn't he just smell an onion?"

• Amir and Hassan's fave quote

"I admire your notion of fair odds, mister"

• Baba's advice when Amir avoided spending time with Hassan due to the horrifying incident

"Take care not to let these things foster. Time will only make it worse."

• The guardian of the Pakistani foster home's response when Amir yelled at him for giving away Sohrab, Hassan's son to a Taliban leader
  

"And you, brother? You came here to rescue a boy, take him back to America, give him a good life. It must seem heroic, huh? But what about the other 200 children? You'll never see them again. You'll never hear them howling in the night. I spent my life savings on this orphanage. Everything I owned/inherited, I sold to run this place. You think I don't have family in Pakistan or Iran? I could have run like everyone else. If I deny him 1 child, he takes 10. So I let him take 1 and leave the judging to Allah."

riddle: what for what?

Riddle:

try to answer this:
"which one is correct ...

we are created for Islam
or
Islam is created for us ...?"

Punchline:
Both are correct :) why, you may ask?

Explanation:

• we are created for Islam

- refer back to the cause of our creation by God

"And I (Allah) created not the jinns and humans except they should worship Me (Alone)." (51:56)

• Islam is created for us

- Islam is the true, ultimate way of life from our Creator. He knows wots best for us

"And this (submission to Allah, Islam) was enjoined by Ibrahim (Abraham) upon his sons and by Ya'qub (Jacob), (saying), "O my sons! Allah has chosen for you the (true) religion, then die not except in the Faith of Islam (as Muslims - Islamic Monotheism)." (2:132)

"Do they seek other than the religion of Allah (the true Islamic Monotheism worshipping none but Allah Alone), while to Him submitted all creatures in the heavens and the earth, willingly or unwillingly. And to Him shall they all be returned." (3:83)

now, ask yourself: have you proven that...

"I am created for Islam" ...?

all the best ^^

Source: Aimuni, team-mate

your greatest weakness is actually your hidden strength

Overlooking the car park and the wide sky, capturing every detail with the fullest care; falling sick this one time, I have never felt more grateful to Allah for giving me the chance to learn that it’s ok to be weak once a while.

Some people would cheat to become stronger, others would train physically or mentally to gain strength, yet more often than not, everyone develops into someone tough and more matured through falls and failures.

Yesterday, I was a first timer as a hospital patient and no words could describe the anxiety and bliss pumping through all inches of my body. Having dreams of being a medical attendant one day, it was like a dream come true to be treated by numerous of them all throughout my stay there (smiling with glee).

Timeline

4^th September 2009 (Friday)

9.30am

It all started with a painful feeling all night, so I decided to pay a visit to see Dr Saadah that morning. Surprised with my situation, Dr Saadah advised me to have an immediate appointment with my doctor back at home. My heart started jumping all of a sudden, this is it! When I gave a call home, Ummi was half-worried, calling me every 10 minutes to go through with her my return plan. When I told my friends and naqibah about the sudden decision, you would never trust the news either because my facial expressions did not match, breaking the bad news whilst smiling from ear to ear, hoho. I don’t blame them for exchanging puzzled looks, sorry :D I was just plain excited to be hospitalized. Thank you, gals for the supportive words and aura. They meant so much to me :)

8.30pm

In the end, this was the earliest bus I managed to catch. Thank you, Fi, for sending me to the bus station and accompanying me until break of fast.

5^th September 2009 (Saturday)

1.00pm

After meeting Dr N, it was arranged that my operation would be on 10am the next day. Oh, yeay~ Allahuakbar

6^th September 2009 (Sunday)

10.00am

I sat in my room, playing around with everything and tried to stay put, as Ummi told me to. The doctor was not in yet and there was a medical attendant who kept coming in and out to give the operation outfit and checking my situation: blood pressure and all. Waiting was rather difficult as eagerness festered on my insides.

1.00pm

I changed into the operation outfit.

1.25pm

They took me to the operation theatre. MasyaAllah, it was freezing cold until your bones would shiver along. They injected me with something and all of a sudden, I felt warm starting from my legs and then, the warmth slowly crept upwards.

2.15pm

“Huh? The operation’s finished already?” I said, sadly. “Yep,” she said, conforming. So, that was it, I guess. AlhamduliLlah, everything went out ok. I took the general anesthetic, so your whole body becomes unconscious. I only managed to remember every detail of the room i knocked out, couldn’t even catch a glimpse of Dr N though. The stitches were aching and all I wanted was rest.

7^th September 2009 (Monday)

4.30pm

Goodbye, Dr N, MAs and nurses, and thank you so much for your care. I fully enjoyed my stay at the hospital.

Lessons learnt

If you fully observe the hospital system and the doctor-patient relationship, you could learn so much:

1. A murabbi should be attentive, ever-ready to help and cheerful

Dr. N and Dr Saadah, not to forget, were such nice people. They listened to my health conditions and treated me with love and care. How many of us could be that patient when a friend or mad’u came to us constantly for guidance or attention? Well, there could be once in a while when our expressions cannot fool them, showing fatigue probably. The solution is to never give up because you’ll never know, probably today is their day, one day it will be ours.

2. A murabbi should have a sense of understanding

Dr N and Dr Saadah were very good in treating my situation private and personal. They didn’t shout out or made a hullabaloo about me. AlhamduliLlah. For instance, if a friend chooses you to share his/her family problems and no one else, never ever share this with another person you trust, but with an exception that the other person you share it with does not know your friend and is able to help you with the problem. Also, if your friend has problems involving loss of lives etc, you should know how to tackle the situation without bringing humiliation to his/her dignity.

3. A murabbi should be hardworking and always check on the situation of his/her mad’u

I would never forget how the nurses came up to me constantly, checking out how everything was going out even in the middle of the night. Then, a murabbi should be just like that. Always there for the mad’u, so that one day Allah may bless all your hard work and sacrifice. Hard? Oh, yes but that is the only way to a person’s heart: showing that you care.

4. We should always be the hand above and not below

Giving is better than receiving. Never ask unless you have nothing.

Quotes

Fi: So, what was your illness again? Come on, tell me…

(everyone’s been asking me the same question for the umpteenth time)

Husna: Fi – please don’t ask that again. You know, I don’t want to be reminded that I’m weak.

Fi: Husna, you know that we should always bear in mind that we’re meek servants of Allah. It is ok to feel weak so that you will feel humble and not strut.

Husna: (deep down inside somehow, I felt stupidly guilty for always acting strong and denying my actual self)

When you’re sick, are you the missing link or the invisible link? You choose.

Strength is not what the eyes see, but what the heart feels

book: to kill a mocking-bird by harper lee

Title: To Kill A Mocking-bird
Author: Harper Lee

How I became to read this:
Recommended by Raihana, TESL student

Based in Alabama, this story is about a single father who works as a lawyer and lives with his two children. He's very wise and throughout the story, he cleverly weaves in lessons in his children's lives so that they readily accept what he wishes to teach them. In the middle, the plot thickens as it portrays on racial injustice and how willingly, Atticus defends a black from being framed of rape. Readers will learn the importance of being true to yourself and to always stand up for your right, in a polite way so that you will be heard ^^

What I liked:
The well-built characters: The Finch family especially Atticus and Scott. Like how Atticus (the father) has a marvellous way of raising his children in a matured way, so that they may understand the true meaning of life, etiquettes and how to reason politely. And how Scott innocently questions and knocks the sense into the elders about their ignorant, selfish antics.

What I disliked:
The ending. To some, they are content with all the climax and problems finally unravelled and solved. To me, the identity of the mysterious man: Boo Radley was just about to emerge. Probably that's how good books end, leaving the readers captivated and wanting more, huhu~

Quotes:

pg 30
"'First of all,' he said, 'If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view-until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.'"

pg 86
"'That one could be a ray of sunshine in pants just as well, but Aunty said that ... I was born good but had grown progressively worse every year ... but when I asked Atticus about it, he said there were already enough sunbeams in the family and to go on about my business, he didn't mind me much the way I was.'"

pg 90
"'Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.'"

pg 109
"'The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.'"

pg 112
"'I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked (defeated) before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.'"

(ok, i lost track of the page no.s :P )
"When a child asks you something, answer him, for goodness' sake. But don't make a production of it. Children are children, but they can spot an evasion quicker than adults, and evasion simply muddles 'em."

"People in their right mind never take pride in their talents."

"'Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing.'"

"'Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty.'"

"'Simply because we were licked (defeated) a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win.'"

book: artemis fowl - the arctic incident by eoin colfer

Title: Artemis Fowl - The Arctic Incident
Author: Eoin Colfer

Cannot quite recall how I fell head over heels over the series. Picked up the first one (Artemis Fowl) and now, I'm still thrilled to read another. Seems rather late to read the 2nd book, but it's better late than never. This type of book is suitable for mid-light reading (it goes midway because you'll be taking some time to understand the author's imagination of out-of-this-world tools and technology created in the story). Besides, in this, the nemesis is the one saving the day. Sort of like John A. Davis' Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius in 'some' way. As the saying goes: everybody loves a rebel.

What I liked:

How the author cleverly weaved each character with the whole storyline, making everything sound perfect. Artemis really has great thoughts, wickedly-cunning nontheless. I guess that's what made most readers captivated with the series, they kept wanting to know and learn how Artemis plans his next unexpected move.

What I disliked:
I had a rather tough time in picturing certain scenes where the author explained it with weird vocabulary. The Lower Elements Police sure has a way with words when naming their stuff: technology and all :P

Quotes:

pg 175

Holly: “We’re not giving up, Artemis. We’re regrouping. There’s a difference. We’ll be back. Remember, it’s always darkest before dawn.”
Artemis: “What dawn? We’re in the Arctic, remember.”